Hostile Empathy Never Works

Not helping in Virginia ...

Democrat Abigail Spanberger is clearly the best choice for Virginia governor, especially considering that her Republican opponent Lt. Gov. Winsome Earle-Sears is a total MAGA loon. Spanberger has a solid shot at replacing Republican Glenn Youngkin (who can’t serve two consecutive terms). Donald Trump has underwater approval in Virginia. His gutting of the federal workforce has slammed the local economy and caused the state’s unemployment rate to rise. Anyone from Northern Virginia who works in Washington D.C. must endure daily evidence of Trump’s ongoing military occupation.

However, a Spanberger victory isn’t certain. Kamala Harris barely won Virginia, underperforming across the board but specifically losing ground in working-class and Black precincts. A recent poll shows that Earl-Sears has narrowed the gap between herself and Spanberger, who leads by just seven points compared to 17 points in the same poll a few months ago. A sizable number of voters remain undecided and Earl-Sears has seemingly done better winning over that group that Spanberger.

A spokesperson for Spanberger’s campaign said she remains “laser-focused on addressing what are Virginians’ top-of-mind challenges — this poll makes that crystal clear.” So, obviously, Spanberger doesn’t need any unforced errors, like what became an unpleasant news cycle for her last week.

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Earle-Sears spoke at a school board meeting in Arlington on Thursday. Arlington County schools are keeping its policy that allows students to use bathrooms that align with their gender identity. The MAGA Department of Education, claiming these policies violate Title IX, has threatened to yank federal funding from the school district. Earle-Sears delivered her typical bigoted rant against harmless kids, but inside the meeting, it seemed like most people disagreed with her. Unfortunately, what made the news was a sign a protester held outside the meeting.

“Hey Winsome, if trans can’t share your bathroom, then Blacks can’t share my water fountain,” the sign read.

Winsome Earle-Sears is Black, and the sign is racist. So, there’s that. Also, never refer to a Black woman you don’t know personally by her first name. They will go full Maya Angelou on you. (Oprah and Beyoncé are exceptions, not the rule.)

The sign is a classic example of what I call “hostile empathy,” something I see often online. This is when you compare a situation to someone’s own personal background but in such an offensive manner you only succeed in alienating them. Another example of “hostile empathy” that occurs far too often is when people compare Israel’s actions in Gaza to literal Nazi Germany. That hardly benefits the pro-Palestinian cause.

I’ve previously observed that segregationists claimed white women shouldn’t have to share their “safe/private” space with Black women because they might catch syphilis from shared toilet seats and towels. White women once protested integrated bathrooms with labor strikes and walkouts, while Black women were often harassed and intimidated. When Central High in Little Rock was integrated, white girls refused to use the same restroom that the “[n-word] girls use.”

This is all relevant history, but effective advocacy for the marginalized focuses on the most vulnerable rather than smugly attacking the powerful, who can then play the victim.

“I’m disgusted but not surprised,” Earle-Sears posted in response on social media. “This is the ‘tolerant’ left Abigail Spanberger defends. I’m the sitting Lieutenant Governor, second in command in the former Capitol of the Confederate states. I’m an immigrant, a Marine and above all, a human being. There is no place for this disgusting hatred in our Commonwealth. Anyone who doesn’t condemn this sign is complicit in approving it.”

Spanberger’s campaign released a statement denouncing the sign as “racist, abhorrent and unacceptable,” and Spanberger posted a lengthier message on her social media account:

As I said yesterday, the sign displayed in Arlington last night was racist and abhorrent. Many Virginians remember the segregated water fountains (and buses and schools and neighborhoods) of Virginia’s recent history.

And no matter the intended purpose or tone and no matter how much one might find someone else’s beliefs objectionable, to threaten a return of Jim Crow and segregation to a Black woman is unacceptable. Full stop.

Of course, Republicans saw blood in the water. GOP State Sen. Bill Stanley posted on social media a cartoon image of Spanberger holding up the racist sign. “This is what she believes,” Stanley wrote.

From X

Earle-Sears personally made the rounds on right-wing media, decrying liberals as intolerant racists.

“Liberals claim to lift up women, immigrants, and minorities,” she told Laura Ingraham, “but when I speak as a Black immigrant woman who’s also a conservative, suddenly I’m the enemy.”

I appreciate the “Murc’s Law” complaints, but competent Democrats would also attack a racist sign directed at one of their candidates, especially if it took the focus away from areas where they are politically weaker. It certainly doesn’t help that the other protesters in the photo don’t appear to object to the racist sign. Steve Baker, the chair of Arlington Democrats, tried warning the woman that her racist sign was receiving “a lot of play on TV right now” — all of it negative — but she didn’t seem to care. The Indivisible group We of Action Virginia has rightly distanced themselves from her.

Back in 2021, Youngkin seized on suburban parents’ COVID-era concerns about schools and so-called “critical race theory,” and Terry Mcauliffe fell in the trap door when he said at a debate, “I don’t think parents should be telling schools what they should teach.”

Earle-Sears is following the same playbook. She wants to focus the election on the issues she thinks will benefit her, fairly or not. She said last week, “Abigail Spanberger thinks the state should raise our kids — hiding curriculum, covering up violence, even helping kids transition without mom or dad knowing. As a mom, I know parents aren’t the problem — they are the answer.”

This isn’t to say that trans kids are a “distraction” from Trump’s authoritarian regime and collapsing economy. They are directly in the crosshairs. However, in politics, you never want to spend time debating issues on your opponents’ terms. This was an obvious trap, and it worked better than Earle-Sears had imagined.

Spanberger has consistently defended trans kids. In 2022, when Youngkin announced his policy that would block student access to locker rooms and bathrooms that don’t match their “biological sex,” Spanberger said, “Gov. Youngkin’s mandate targets vulnerable children, and it’s downright shameful to think that an elected leader would punch down at kids to score political points. This mandate rolls back the rights of kids to be themselves in schools.”

In 2023, Spanberger voted to permit trans women to compete in women’s sports. When recently asked several leading questions about school bathroom access, she released this statements “Abigail is a mom of three kids in Virginia public schools — the safety of Virginia’s kids is Abigail’s top priority, and she believes that parents have the right to make decisions about what is best for their children.”

Spanberger is clearly capable of diplomacy. She doesn’t need help from people who are more interested in confrontation. This is a contentious issue. It’s easy for me to dismiss Earle-Sears as an ignorant bigot, but the reality is that Spanberger needs the votes of people who agree with her, especially in suburban communities. This is where Democrats must run up the score to win.

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According to a Washington Post-Schar School poll from 2023, 39 percent of Virginia voters say that public schools are “doing too much to accommodate trans students,” while 25 percent say schools are handling things about right, 21 percent say they are not doing enough, and 15 percent have no opinion. Those weren’t the strongest numbers already, and the DOE’s funding threats have made this a larger wedge issue. Earle-Sears has tied this all directly to “school choice.”

“That’s why parents are saying, you know what, give us our tax money and let us make the decision on where to send our children to school,” Earle-Sears told 7News. “So, whether that's private school, public school, parochial school, home school, a hybrid, whatever it is, let us make that decision. Because if you want to have policies that are going to pit me against my child, you go ahead government, do that, but you're not going to do it with my child. I’m going to take my money and find a place where my child will be safe. That’s what this is about. And my opponent, she supports these rogue schools and that means she’s against parents.”

Earle-Sears is shamelessly weaponizing concerns about the safety of women and girls, as Republicans have done for a while to unfortunately some success. Democrats need to counter this smear campaign, but bigoted signs don’t help.

I’m aware of the tiresome argument that activists have no obligation to make life easier for political candidates who might actually advance their interests. We shouldn’t dare “tone police” them with calls for “respectability politics.” But basic diplomacy is critical when you don’t already have immense power. Trump can behave like an asshole and refer to Canada as the “51st State” because he’s packing nuclear weapons. We still need to persuade voters not supply free ammo to our enemies. There is truly no margin for error or ego.