Why James Comey Can Only Wish He Were Martha Stewart

Let's see how long I can keep this theme going.

Donald Trump’s mobbed-up Department of Justice is prepared to impose his vengeance upon his enemies, whether they’ve actually committed any crime or not. They have offended or mildly inconvenienced the mad MAGA king, and that’s what this thuggish regime considers truly criminal.

High on the “settle all family business” hit list was former FBI Director James Comey. Lindsey Halligan, Trump’s personal attorney, eagerly indicted Comey last week for allegedly lying to Congress. Trump installed Halligan in her current role after the previous U.S. attorney for the Eastern District of Virginia Erik Siebert resigned his position under pressure from the Trump administration to prosecute New York Attorney General Letitia James on baseless charges.

Halligan handled insurance claims in Florida before representing Trump during his classified documents case, though she mostly served as second chair to Judge Aileen Cannon. She has a unique set of skills for a U.S. attorney — none. She lacks any actual prosecutorial experience but she also lacks any real scruples, which makes her a good fit for Trump.

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The mafioso in chief posted on social media, “Lindsey is a tough, smart, and loyal attorney, who has worked with me for a long time, including in the winning fight against the Weaponization of our Justice System by Crooked Joe Biden and the Radical Left Democrats, which she witnessed firsthand when she stood up for my rights during the Unconstitutional and UnAmerican raid on my home, Mar-a-Lago, in Palm Beach, Florida.”

Prosecutors and investigators have already told Halligan that there’s insufficient evidence to charge Comey with perjury, obstruction, and excessive tallness, but she’s not that worried about prosecutorial ethics. That’s where those lack of scruples come in handy. In Trump’s DOJ, a framed cocktail napkin with the handwritten declaration “I Am Morally Bankrupt” is better credentials than any diploma from a legitimate law school.

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The Trump administration already unjustly fired Comey’s own daughter, Maurene Comey. Now, Trump wants to slap the cuffs on Comey himself. Even if the case goes nowhere, he’ll have to hire lawyers to defend himself, which is expensive especially when they’re actually qualified, unlike Trump’s shyster collection. Halligan did successfully convince a grand jury to return an indictment, presumably after studying up on complicated legal concepts such as “grand jury” and “indictment.” Jeanne Pirro, former TV judge, has struck out more than once before a grand jury.

Still, this is a further deterioration of the rule of law, and that should alarm everyone even if you don’t personally like James Comey. I’ve never met the guy, but a lot of folks online act as if he owes them money. A commenter on Joe Walsh’s Substack posted:

I don’t give a shit about James Comey getting indicated AT ALL. His grandstanding-Hillary’s-emails-ass has everything to do with why we are in this mess in the first place. You’re on your own, Slick.

Democrats, especially Hillary Clinton supporters, have never forgiven Comey for his October 28, 2016 letter to Congress stating that the FBI had “learned of the existence of emails that appear to be pertinent to the investigation” into Clinton’s private email server, which the media insisted was somehow important. Trump could hurl a baby into a crowd, and The New York Times would run stories asking whether “Democrats Risk Going Too Far When They Challenge Trump On Baby Tossing.” Yet, the Times breathlessly covered Comey’s ill-timed letter on its front page just days before the 2016 election.

Nate Silver wrote in 2017 that Comey’s letter wasn’t the only reason Clinton lost the election, but she’d probably would’ve won if he’d never sent it. This is sort of like a doctor telling you that smoking isn’t the only reason you’re dying — we’re all mortal — but it’s definitely why you have terminal lung cancer.

Comey’s ego-driven stupidity quite possibly destroyed the country. That single letter overrides anything positive he might’ve otherwise done in his life — unless he also wrote “No One Mourns The Wicked” and “Defying Gravity,” but that’s Stephen Schwartz, who wouldn’t have sent that letter. He’s awesome. Comey would later tell Congress that he was “mildly nauseous” at the thought that his actions helped elect Trump. However, he insisted that he wouldn’t have done anything differently. Now, he’s likely to receive a souvenir mug shot.

Of course, Trump would later fire Comey in May 2017 because he wouldn’t publicly clear him in the Russia election interference case. President Hillary Clinton would’ve never done this, even with her debilitating dependence on private email servers. She wouldn’t have retaliated against Comey for releasing the letter. He would have continued to serve as FBI director and been able to leave on his own terms. That seems sufficient ironic punishment. After all, it’s not like Hillary was indicted and sent to prison.

No, that happened to Martha Stewart, who Comey prosecuted in 2003 for securities fraud, obstruction of justice, and conspiracy. That was a BS case from the start. Stewart’s supposed insider trading helped her avoid losses of $45,673. Stewart was at the time the first female self-made billionaire. The $45,673 was decorative pillow money. Make her pay a fine or do some community service at the most. Instead, she was convicted on conspiracy, obstruction and two counts of lying to federal investigators. A judge had dismissed the actual securities fraud charge.

Stewart claimed that Comey was making an example out of her because of her fame. She said in the Netflix documentary Martha, “It was so horrifying to me that I had to go through that to be a trophy for these idiots in the U.S. Attorney’s office.”

“Those prosecutors should’ve been put in a Cuisinart and turned on high,” Stewart said with her usual sharp wit.

Comey had announced the charges against Stewart with his usual pious certainty.

“This criminal case is about lying — lying to the F.B.I., lying to the [U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission] S.E.C., lying to investors,” Comey said. “Martha Stewart is being prosecuted not for who she is, but because of what she did.”

Then 63, Stewart served five months in prison in 2004. This was longer than people who attacked the Capitol.

And now 20 years later, Trump’s US attorney puppet Halligan is prosecuting Comey for lying to Congress on September 30, 2020. (The date is important for statute of limitations purposes.) Sen. Ted Cruz had asked Comey if he stood his earlier testimony in 2017 when he denied authorizing an information leak. Comey replied, “I stand by the testimony.”

Presumably, someone has informed Halligan that the prosecution must actually prove that Comey leaked information about the Russia investigation to the media or authorized someone else in the FBI to do so, and an independent investigation already proved he didn’t. However, if Comey is ultimately convicted and does even minimal time, he has Martha Stewart as a model for how to reclaim your life and reputation after an unjust prosecution.