Pam Bondi's Also Gone, Girl
Why does everyone Trump betrays leave him?
A week of delightful schadenfreude climaxed on Wednesday when Donald Trump fired Attorney General Pam Bondi — just a day after Kristi Noem left the Department of Homeland Security to spend more time with her husband’s plastic breasts.
There was a typically melodramatic showdown in the White House where Trump accused Bondi of an unforgivable offense. I wonder if Bondi received the Thomas Cromwell treatment where she tried to sit down for a meeting but was told, “Do not sit there! That is no place for you! Traitors do not sit amongst gentlemen.”
During the big show, Bondi reportedly “begged” for her professional life to a man who has little regard for people’s actual lives. Cromwell and others who were loyal to King Henry got their heads chopped off when they outlived their usefulness. This is the 21st Century and technically America, so Bondi will keep her head but must submit to the standard humiliation ritual for discarded MAGA lackeys.
Bondi pleaded with Trump to let her stick around until the summer, but Trump had already activated the hidden trap door that dumped her into a pit of fire. “He probably laughed while Bondi whimpered, “I’m still alive, only I’m very badly burned.” (Watch below.)
Trump formally announced Bondi’s whacking on social media: “We love Pam, and she will be transitioning to a much needed and important new job in the private sector, to be announced at a date in the near future.”
Yes, you read correctly: Bondi’s “transitioning” to a job in the private sector that doesn’t yet exist. It’s like saying the person you callously dumped actually left you for someone else, who you’re confident will turn up at some point in the future. Todd Blanche, the deputy attorney general, will assume the role of acting U.S. attorney general. There’s talk that Trump will appoint EPA director Lee Zeldin to replace Bondi.
Bondi is best remembered for helping cover up the Epstein Files and lacking the courage and basic humanity to face Jeffrey Epstein’s victims. (Watch below.)
Of course, Bondi’s ouster likely has little to do with her shameful conduct regarding the Epstein Files. No, Bondi reportedly fell out of favor with the mad MAGA king because he believes she informed Democratic Rep. Eric Swalwell — currently one of a dozen Democrats running for California governor — that the FBI planned to release investigative documents about his relationship with Christine Fang, an alleged Chinese spy.
A source told the Daily Mail, “The White House wasn’t pleased she was intervening due to her personal friendship with Swalwell.” Wait, Eric Swalwell is friends with Pam Bondi? That’s more damning than any funny business with Chinese spies. Bondi hasn’t bothered to prosecute multiple death threats against Swalwell and his family — likely assuming this would piss off her petty, sadistic boss — so maybe she thought the FBI tip off was the very least she could do.
Bondi was a sloppy seconds choice for attorney general after former Rep. Matt Gaetz failed to convince enough Republicans to back the not-so-secret sex predator. Bondi and Gaetz were also friends. She was even “godmother” to his dog, who you could probably more reliably trust around minors. However, she privately told anyone who’d listen that Gaetz wasn’t fit for the job. That was true of course, but she was hardly a profile in honor after her confirmation: She was a shameless Trump sycophant who consistently upped her crazy game to pacify the mad MAGA king.
Last April, Bondi posted this absurd lie on social media: “Today is Fentanyl Awareness Day. In President Trump’s first 100 days we’ve seized over 22 million fentanyl laced pills, saving over 119 Million lives.” That’s about one-third of the U.S. population, and no, I’m not wasting time explaining why those numbers make no sense. It’s not as if she stuck with them for very long.
During a North Korean style Cabinet meeting, where those assembled paid Trump a tribute of their dignity and connection to reality, Bondi announced, “Since you have been in office President Trump, your DOJ agencies have seized more than 22 million fentanyl pills, 3,400 kilos of fentanyl, since your last hundred days, which saved — are you ready for this, media? — 258 million lives.”
That’s now 75 percent of the U.S. population Trump has saved from fentanyl overdoses. Bondi’s not even bothering with plausible lies.
Back in February, during a Valentine’s Day massacre of a hearing about Jeffrey Epstein, Bondi shamelessly tried to please Trump with some crude insult comedy directed at Democrats (and Thomas Massie). She yelled at Rep. Jamie Raskin, “You’re a washed-up loser lawyer. You’re not even a lawyer.”
Then she spun out and crashed into a sea of nonsense. (Watch below.)
“The Dow is over 50,000 dollars!” Bondi raved. “I don’t know why you’re laughing.” (As Barnabas Collins once said, if she doesn’t like people laughing at her, she shouldn’t go around being so amusing.) “You’re a great stock trader as I hear, Raskin. The Dow is over 50,000 right now. The S&P at almost 7,000, and the Nasdaq smashing records. That’s what we should be talking about.”
Now, we’re all talking about how Bondi’s official portrait at the DOJ was promptly dumped in the trash. This was chef’s kiss symbolism.
Bondi’s enduring legacy will be overseeing the moral destruction of the Department of Justice, which she helped Trump weaponize into a blunt instrument against his many political enemies. Blanche won’t improve matters. He’s attempted to make his bones with the MAGA base and tried to downplay his New York background. “I married into New York,” he told the CPAC audience. “I am a New Yorker by marriage.” He added that his wife “is unfortunately from New York.”
Meanwhile, Blanche has cozied up to Trump’s deputy chief of staff, Stephen Miller, who is directly responsible for every disaster during Trump’s second term yet he remains shielded in teflon. Even Miller’s approximation of manhood has its obvious privileges. Blanche has pledged to help Miller pursue his Nazi-like immigration agenda. He’s also actively contributing to Vice President JD Vance’s BS fraud investigation in Minnesota or any other state that defies Trump.
Bondi’s DOJ has failed to secure indictments against New York Attorney General Letitia James, California Sen. Adam Schiff, Fed Governor Lisa Cook, and Federal Reserve Chair Jerome Powell. That’s because our criminal justice system still requires evidence that actual crimes were committed. Of course, neither Blanche nor Zeldin will ever prosecute Trump’s enemies to his satisfaction. He’s a mad king in theory, but they can’t make him one in practice. He’ll still demands their heads, though.
I'm just amazed at the number of people who think they're the World's Smartest Gnat who'll totally defeat the bug zapper. They can see people destroy their lives for this horrible, horrible man, and they always think they'll be different.
It is puzzling about Frau Pam though because ultimately she did everything she was installed to do. Not what an Attorney General is *supposed* to do, mind you. But she did her job in Maladministration 2.0. She shielded America's Pilonidal Cyst from legal exposure and accountability for his present and past criming. She also threw every clownshoes lolyer they had at those who he perceived as enemies, violating their Constitutional rights even.
In the end everything he asked was tantamount to pushing a rope uphill. Perhaps he believes Todd Blanche will do even better?
The Dow is up! That’s what we should talking about? In a hearing about the Epstein files? Yeah right. That was absolutely absurd. Blanche has already declared the case closed. Let’s see how THAT goes for him. It’s not going away.