Last week, Democratic social media influencer Chris Evans posted the following insult wrapped inside a rhetorical question:
Why do so many white liberals seem to live in this fantasy world where there’s gonna be some big aha moment and one particular thing is gonna suddenly make their racist MeeMaw and PawPaw stop being MAGA? It’s been 10 years now and 3 elections. The man told them to inject bleach.
Another user on his thread wondered, “I’d love to know why white liberals also keep seeing MeeMaw and PopPop on holidays and rushing to tell Black and brown people about their racist relatives and friends at work, school, etc?”
This sort of smug fatalism might play well on social media but it ignores basic human nature. It’s not hypocritical to express frustration over a relative’s politics while still caring about them or hoping they’ll finally reject right-wing propaganda and conspiracy theories. Also, it’s quite possible that when they aren’t watching Fox News, “MeeMaw” and “PopPop” are more pleasant to be around than some pious liberal online. It’s a variation of the W.C. Fields line from It’s A Gift: When told he’s drunk, Fields replies, “Yeah, and you’re crazy. But I’ll be sober tomorrow.”
I’m not so arrogant as to think that anyone is going to choose me over their loved ones, no matter how high on Fox News they are. I can’t compete with the memory of that Happy Meal your MAGA aunt bought you. Yes, many liberals will claim they’ve cut Trump-supporting relatives out of their lives, but those relatives were almost always uniformly terrible. Refusing to wear a mask during the pandemic was often just the final push needed to end a toxic relationship. This is simply not true of everyone who voted for Trump, and anyone who insists otherwise exists in their own bubble.
This is what I call the “deplorables” conundrum. You might agree that your MAGA loved ones are annoying, ignorant bigots but you’re probably not going to appreciate Democrats suggesting they are inherently awful people.
The Julia Roberts spot for Kamala Harris had a similar problem. It basically said, “Hey, your husband is an abusive bigot but you can vote for Harris without the sleazebag knowing!” There is never any political gain from insulting the people closest to your voters.
I understand the impulse of liberals who haven’t given up on their MAGA loved ones, even those who voted for Trump three times. They remain hopeful for redemption. (Hell. Chuck Schumer has admitted that his imaginary friends the Baileys probably backed Trump in 2024. He’s a loser in his own fantasies).
Barack Obama understood this. A vote for him in 2008 was seen as a vote for an optimistic future not a personal rejection of your worst family members. He certainly never had any ads where people were secretly voting for him like they were junkies in a 1980s anti-drug PSA. Of course, Republicans like Megyn Kelly and Newt Gingrich have the gall to blame Obama for the nation’s racial divisions. The first Black president didn’t start the fire. It was always burning. Kelly and Gingrich spent years roasting marshmallows over it.
Don’t ask me why, but this all reminds me of a scene from the classic American novel Heaven by V.C. Andrews. The titular character is frequently shocked by her sister Fanny’s overt promiscuity. There’s a moment where she confronts her stepmother about it. The family is dirt poor and her stepmother is busy chopping up a squirrel or something for their broke-ass dinner. She’s miserable and doesn’t have time for this. Heaven is mid-way through her meltdown, when her stepmom stops her and says, “Yer sister Fanny is gonna be a whore.” That’s it. That’s the reality. Heaven might want to believe otherwise, but her stepmom has to go put the squirrel in the oven.
Anyway, I often feel like Heaven’s stepmother whenever I see someone tagging one of their Trump-supporting friends or relatives and asking, “Did you see what he just did? Kids in cages. Attempted coups. Needless cruelty. That must be the last straw for you!”
Sorry, but Heaven’s sister Fanny’s gonna be a whore and your Trump-voting friend or relative believes Robert F. Kennedy Jr makes some good points and Portland is a literal war zone. That’s it. That’s the reality. Now I have to go put this squirrel in the oven before the Proud Boys track me down.
(*I mean no disrespect to sex workers who are all more honorable than members of the Trump administration.)
Heaven’s stepmother tells her, “Ya kin’t do nothing about Fanny, Heaven. Ya just look out for yerself.” I confess this cynicism is tempting, as we endure the world Trump voters willingly inflicted upon us, but successful politicians need to be more like Heaven. Democrats still need to hold out hope that your MAGA loved ones can do better or at least keep trying to understand them. (This doesn’t mean you have to surrender your values to them in the name of false peace.) It’s frustrating but that’s the better path. It’s how we win elections and avoid a metaphorical Cold War from becoming very real and very hot.
Yes, Fanny ultimately betrays Heaven but she later feels guilty about it and makes amends. Like I said, she was more honorable and capable of redemption than anyone in Trump’s White House.
𝑌𝑒𝑠, 𝐹𝑎𝑛𝑛𝑦 𝑢𝑙𝑡𝑖𝑚𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑙𝑦 𝑏𝑒𝑡𝑟𝑎𝑦𝑠 𝐻𝑒𝑎𝑣𝑒𝑛 𝑏𝑢𝑡 𝑠ℎ𝑒 𝑙𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑟 𝑓𝑒𝑒𝑙𝑠 𝑔𝑢𝑖𝑙𝑡𝑦 𝑎𝑏𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑖𝑡 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑚𝑎𝑘𝑒𝑠 𝑎𝑚𝑒𝑛𝑑𝑠. 𝐿𝑖𝑘𝑒 𝐼 𝑠𝑎𝑖𝑑, 𝑠ℎ𝑒 𝑤𝑎𝑠 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒 ℎ𝑜𝑛𝑜𝑟𝑎𝑏𝑙𝑒 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑐𝑎𝑝𝑎𝑏𝑙𝑒 𝑜𝑓 𝑟𝑒𝑑𝑒𝑚𝑝𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑛 𝑎𝑛𝑦𝑜𝑛𝑒 𝑖𝑛 𝑇𝑟𝑢𝑚𝑝’𝑠 𝑊ℎ𝑖𝑡𝑒 𝐻𝑜𝑢𝑠𝑒.
Spot on about Fanny - if only the maladministration had at least a few Fannys in it. It's not just that she felt guilty for betraying Heaven, but she made amends. Like several people in "The Lord of the Rings," Boromir (tried to take the Ring from Frodo, then died trying to save Merry and Pippin from the Orcs) and Lobelia Sackville-Baggins (a truly nasty character, who stole Bilbo's silver spoons, and who didn't get a long with anyone other than her son Otho. But she stood up to the ruffians who were taking over the Shire, was imprisoned for it, and upon release, learned of Otho's murder, so GAVE Bag End back to Frodo. When she died, she left all of her money to help the Hobbits made homeless due to the troubles, with Frodo as the executor). One was a good guy who let an obsession overtake him, but he made up for it. The other was not a good gal, but when trouble came, she became a better person, and made up for it.